Top 5 from the weekend. New roommates, bridesmaid dress shopping, and the dream to glute thrust a mountain.

A lot has happened in the last few days.

1.  We had the monster move. I love my new roommates, and they're actually people that want to engage and socialize with each other. They're open as hell too. This must be what it's like to live with extroverts. One is a premed and the other is interior design. I've been helping the pre-med with his personal statement, but I might have overwhelmed the guy. So he's now writing a new statement, but it's going to take time. It's a trade off when you're applying this year. I really hope he does well. He's being really hard on himself right now, and I feel him.

2.  I went bridesmaid dress shopping for my high school bestie's wedding. I'm really excited. While David's bridal has a crappy color selection, and cheap fabrics, I have to give them credit for something. I was seeing sizes from 2-22, which was very important for us because I was a part of a group of women that included a size 0/2 and a 16/18. While I don't think any of the dresses looked stunning themselves, there were quite a few cuts that made a curvaceous woman look stunning in them. You'd be like, "Wow, that is a beautiful woman in a sort of shitty dress." And really that's no one's fault but the fabric. Satin is the international mascot of crappy cosplay.

We found something great at Dillards, although there was a bit of worry about the fit, on both ends of the party. But it worked out. Still, the entire experience was surreal when you see the difficulty that women go through to find something nice if they're just on the outside of the standard size. It made me sick to my stomach to see all the brands that stopped at a 16. When the average american is supposed to grace a 12? You have 2 sizes above that and 5 below it? What the hell. We walked in some expensive store and there was no more than two sizes in every dress. I didn't even check to see which ones. It just made me pissed and very protective feeling. Because I instantly clicked with the other bridesmaids*, and retailers can be so FLIPPANT when they talk about other people's bodies and the sizes that they include. Not right. It's just not. No one wants to feel like it's her fault that the bridal party has to choose another dress, but the reality is, it's our screwed up fashion industry which only acknowledges that bigger women exist, if they can hide them in a different part of the store with different brands.

3. I'm single again. I think both parties are good with this. This time, I'm making a promise to myself I'm just going to be single for a while. I'm really not interested in being asked about couple's matching as soon as I start dating someone again. And honestly, it feels a little pointless to be dating when you're going to be going off to a residency.

4. Pictures are tomorrow. Maybe I can reschedule. I for got to tell my new team to take time off for them and I just got on this rotation. Also, I'm healing up post Sub-I acne. Yeah, I get acne whenever I'm sleep deprived. I discovered this last year. If I sleep enough, it heals faster than it gets produced. If I don't sleep enough, it heals slower than it is produced. Acne pops up at about the same rate though.

5.  I think with this new rotation, I'm going to have to start lifting again because I have the time. Which means it's time to start up with the progress pics again. Oh yeah, I collect that shit. Over my Sub-I, I lost about 5 lbs in a month. Internal medicine sort of stresses me out, what can I say. I need to get back to bulking again. Inpatient steals my muscle mass. And since I am convinced the more muscle = wider surface area to distribute fat across = less cellulite, I want a good portion of that five pounds back. Also, I have a dream to squat my body weight. And pull up my body weight. And glute thrust a mountain.

*My friends have fabulous taste in their friends. If only we all lived in the same city. I'd have the best fox pack ever.

Choosing paint colors. Working with what is already there.

Lost at what to do with so many colors, I tapped them all over the wall, next to what I can't change. The tile. You've got to work with the colors you've got right? 

Over the next few days, they'll battle here, to be removed one by one.

I originally put these next to a shower curtain my old roommate left behind, and figured that I might as well pick a color that went with it. But this was clearly the wrong way to go. 1. I was comparing the paint to the shower curtain in the lighting of a different room. 2. The shower curtain is clearly replaceable. Tile is not. So after putting the colors into two piles, I figured why the hell not, I'll put up both. Colors that are slightly off with the curtain, look great against the tile. The damn curtain was a ruse this whole time! It also might be dirty. So I'm washing it tonight. Maybe it'll perk up.

Free is very attractive. I might make it work anyway.

And here is the future project. Reds a possibility for the closet or other portions of the room.

 Reds are a possibility for the closet or bedroom ceiling. We'll just do one room at a time though.

The Color in My Life.

There is Drama amongst the third years. Third year A did a post discharge follow up on the patient of third year B with a home phone call. Then presented to the resident. Dun DUN DUNNN!

Of course the resident assigned third year A to do it while B wasn't in the room. So it wasn't exactly like A student was swiping the task. But B student was very attached to that patient. And they have to turn in a certain amount of patient follow ups as an assignment. Thus from questionable misunderstandings, grudges are born.

Hahah, so glad that stress isn't my life. I've always been fortunate with getting along with/getting out of the way of classmate drama. Meanwhile, I'm dealing with my own little mystery. It's been over a week since I've heard from the Gift of Life people, and I've tried calling twice, but 4:30 isn't the best of times, I guess. So did one splash exposure ruin my ability to give marrow? Really, we were both tested. Clean. People have worse sexual histories. I guess we'll see. 

But! Set that aside!

I got PAINT SWATCHES.

This is my attempt of using extreme angles and composition to hide my editing problem

Because clearly, I have one.

Take care, gonna be making color combos for the rest of the night. :D

Room recovery update. Still Day 1, and it's bad.

FORGET IT.

My bright idea to kill the mold babies  has left me with an empty bottle of bleach spray, and the closet still isn't done.

Now. The bathroom is looking pretty fine though. But at this point, I'm not sure what the benefit of bleaching down all the walls would be. Coating the whole thing from floor to ceiling in mildew resistant paint though? That sounds very attractive to me right now. Seal those babies in. Will anyone really know the difference?

The air is so thick right now, I could probably plug in the dehumidifier and come up with a mild disinfectant.

I'm whoosy as hell.

It's official. The first thing in my budget is paint. Once I get my loans in. Yes. Fuck, I'm going to Lowe's tonight and getting paint swatches.

New Quest! Lady Cave Project, mission 1: Clearing the Bad Juju.

I can't tell if I'm a little tipsy from so much bleach fumes or if I'm just super pumped about moving into this room. But I am pumped.

What's in here?

It's space!

  

Which means that it's time for getting this room together. I have 1 week before my roommates move in and the boyfriend moves his storage out, which gives me a little bit of time to move things over. My roommate left a few things behind, the most useful being the dehumidifier. Apparently she can pull a liter an hour in the winter. There's a lot of mold babies on my walls. 

You can't see them in these pictures. But trust me.

This closet is a mold baby nursery. Gingerly collecting humidity from that bathroom.

But it's my own bathroom right? Hell yes it is.

For for the first mission of my quest, I am Clearing the Bad Juju.  Gotta have a clean start. Let's go captain planet style.

Earth: Deep clean the bones of the house. My flooring is wood, so I'm going to mop it. If it was carpet, I'd get a cleaner. The base boards and walls need to be cleaned too. Any holes in walls or cracks need to be patched or caulked. Little fortifications of mildew will be razed without mercy.

Fire: Every light fixture needs to be examined, bulbs replaced. Then the lighting needs of the room must be assessed to see what else must be bought.

Wind: Change the damn air filter, dust the house, and let the fan run on high for a bit. Address whatever smells weren't taken care of with the deep cleaning. Thank god I don't live in a place with a previous smoker. I'd have to seal the residue in with paint.

Water: Leaks. Got to find them. Got to patch them. That wimp of a rental shower head should be replaced with something nice. Toilet needs a bleach biscuit.

Heart: I have to be honest with myself about all the crap I don't need, and get rid of it before moving into the new room. Especially anything with negative sentimental value. Like, I've got a left sock and I know the right is at my ex-boyfriends. I will never get that back. Why the hell is it still here?

This might also be a good time to do any personal rituals to establish the space as yours. I've never done a sage smudge, but if it can cover the smell of the bleach typhoon I'm going to assault the place with, I could be game.

Sitting on my throne. Kingdom in view. 

Top 5 Friday!

Top 5!

1. I have an overwhelming feeling this is going to be a great year. 

2. Holy crap, I need to finish writing that CME. GET TO IT.

3. Still haven't heard from the bone marrow people. Ran into one of my old attendings from heme/onc. He told me that they usually don't get too many options from the bone marrow banks. 

4. Doing nights right now. Feels like a vacation not to pre-round.

5. Roommates are moving out early, the apartment is slowly emptying. 

Bonus 6! I have looked at so many interior design ideas on apartment therapy and pinterest, that I have clearly spoiled myself. I am sick of virtually all interior design trends, even though no one around me keeps homes like these, so for all practical purposes, they would be really unique.

Chevron, white Scandinavian style rooms, the term "pop of color", antlers and faux taxidermy, mason jars, painting antique dressers with pastel colors, wrapping canvas in wall paper, wall hangings and pillows with "words of inspiration"*, you can all go to hell. I am done with all of you, and I've never even seen you in person. Internet, you've ruined me.

Cow or sheep hide rugs, for some reason you can stay. 

And that wraps up the week. 

*It's gotten so bad, that if I see any art with words on it, my insides start to throw a fit. It doesn't matter what it says. Even "Love" scribed innocently on a pillow turns me venomous. Innocent, worthy of praise, love. At this point the only word I can think worthy of art is "Yes". Written in lipstick, smeared on the mirror. That belongs to someone else.

Memories of a med student. The worst day of my 3rd year.

I still haven't gotten word when Gift of Life wants me to get further testing, but they did call today to ask questions about some of the answers I put in my follow up. Specifically they wanted to know when I got the splash exposure I mentioned. Everyone was tested when it happened, and we were all clear. But man that was a shitty day.

I was scrubbing in for a hysterectomy. As the student you sit between the woman's legs and hold an instrument that goes through the vagina to guide the uterus into a better view for the OB/GYN, who is going through the abdomen via lap. Beyond the fact that you have to jam that uterus back, and hold still until you're shaking, which means you're going to get yelled at a lot, you'll get yelled at some more when you didn't anticipate the next spot for the uterus to go. Which is fine, I had already been through surgery and had my fair share of enlightenment in my self worth. At least you get to sit down.

As the surgery was wrapping up, the attending whipped out an instrument from the ports, flung some sort of moisture off it, which managed to easily arch over my face mask, past my glasses, and into my eye. I can only imagine this trajectory was possible through the difference in our positions.

I blinked. It was moist. And I froze.

Because I knew I should say something, but I also knew no one gave a damn, and they'd all be pissed off I interrupted the case. But I did. They asked me if I was sure. Yes. Then I got to spend the rest of the case with dirty looks from the frigid ice chief as the med student who couldn't do their damn job right. The one who interrupted the flow.

Pshh. This was the bitch who later wrote in my evaluation that I introduced myself to the patient too much. Yes. I know that doesn't make sense. Like it slowed down care for the patient to know every one on the team. Yeah, stay out of the way scum. You don't belong here.

Now that I had put everyone in a sour mood, I was given permission to break scrub, temporarily flatten myself from existence, and sneak into the hallway to call the hotline. To make the day emotions feel worse, after accusatory statements form the needle stick hot line that I must have not been wearing my mask, they told me that I must find the patient's next of kin to ask for permission to draw blood right away, and then to walk the blood down to the lab myself. Time was of the essence, and they'd had things get lost before. If I did not take care of myself, No One Would. When I returned and told the resident this, with the light of the computer glowing off her face, she glared at me like I was the greatest waste of an idiot she'd ever been forced to endure. "They want you to..do...what? Absolutely not. You'll wait. WE will take care of this"

Meanwhile the nurse had already handed me a red top to keep in my pocket. After turning it over my hands a few more times, I gave it back.

Inside, I was rumbling with fury, ready to explode. But I still pleasantly thanked my resident for 'looking out for me' and offering to cover the patient's end. I held my tongue until it was time to walk to lectures. I just unloaded on one of my classmates. Some how he took the edge off. "Oh yeah, man. That happened to me too. You can't do the talking to the patient yourself because of ethics, man."

His usual roll with the oddities sort of self calmed me down quite a bit. I also had a justification for the resident's behavior as long as I twisted it right, so I could pretend everything was actually going according to protocol. I attempted to ask my department chair what was the best way to go about the situation (framed in a non-accusatory, confused med student who just got conflicting info and wants to do the right thing sort of way), got a vague answer that as a low risk patient I would probably be ok, and was sent out to go on about my day. Sore, but no longer shaking. Which is all I need to function, put on the girl scout smile, and move onto the next task. Later in the day, I got a call, and was told everything was fine.

If this screws up my ability to donate bone marrow, I'll be really upset. But it's highly unlikely considering that the event was well over 4 months ago. I think they just want to be extra careful about making sure they're not sitting in the middle of a window for a blood born disease. One step at a time. Maybe I'll get lucky and they'll ask me to come in for the labs when I have night call so I don't have to interrupt the team.