1. First pharmacology test on Friday. I'm freaking out a bit.
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2. So the train ride back from NY(this is a week ago), I sat next to a really fun guy who was traveling down to GA to start the Appalachian trail. Well, I didn't sit next to him, because when a train/bus/movie theater is full of empty seats it's awkward to just plop your butt down; I sat behind him. And then I told the attendant I'd take the same dinner reservations. That led to a conversation, which led to him moving his seat when the car began to fill with passengers, which led to us walking to the dinning car together and the waitress (who was a very no nonsense conductor of her car, filing everyone into the limited seats) told me that I would have to sit with my "husband" if I didn't want to sit next to another passenger, because the table was going to be filled with four people, this is community dining, that's the way it is. Did I say she was very no nonsense?
We thought this was hilarious and played along as though this was our honeymoon. Somewhere along the line that joking around turned into that we were on our first date instead, he gave me a soft kiss, and we slept on each other's shoulders. In the morning, we parted ways at our stops and that was it.
It was AWESOME. Yeah, I didn't know that 24 train romance was on my bucket list, but I'm crossing that one off. Anyway, we're playing a game over facebook that I haven't played in a while. Which leads me to point three.
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3. I have a I like to call Muse. Basically, whenever I want to make art but I'm having a block, I used to get friends to give me words, normal or nonsense, and I'd make a picture. It all goes back to having assignments in art class where I spent as much time as I could trying to break the constraints of the assignment. At a certain point, I realized that my ability to 'think outside of the box' was very much tethered to there being a box in the first place. Otherwise, I just go blank. So the muse word is the box, and suddenly it is very easy for me to make art. I want to post the art somewhere, and since I'm not sharing it on facebook, I might as well put it up here yes?
His feet are cut off as well as a little man for scale. But that is life with scanners and non letterhead paper. And holy crap is that arm bugging me. Needs more shadowing on the forearm to make it look like it's bent, or it needs to be longer. Really needs to be longer because I contracted the tricep so it's extended.
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4. Please note that when I talk about my own art, I rip it to shreds because I'm not particularly attached to it and these things take maybe one night for lines and one night for colors. It is very rare for me to spend anything more than 24 hours on something, before I'm distracted by other crap in life. I fully accept critiques to my work, but it's hard to get them from the average Joe because they always compare it to what they could create. You learn to scrutinize your own work with nothing more than a shoulder shrug. So fer goodness sake, this is not self deprecation or for compliment fishing. I'm quite good at that too, but that's not my game here. ;p
But um, yeah. Other than that completely bizzare, seemingly unwarranted explanation, if you've ever got questions on how I make the stuff, comments, or critiques. I'd love it. Heck you can even give me a muse word, and I'll have fun with it if I've got the time. That's a promise.
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5. I need to stop making obnoxious comments in my evidenced based medicine class. The problem is that no one shows up because the lectures are either extremely confusing or complete child's play and there's no middle ground. When a lecture is complete child's play, lecturers tend to lag because they're used to us being totally confused. I will say anything to keep a lecture going and I can't STAND awkward silences. But with so few people showing up, and fewer still who are willing to say something, those awkward silences start to bear down on you and you get a little loopy. Especially if the professor is walking through some class interactive question that is multiple choice yet all the answers are clearly throw aways.
Paraphrased Example Question: Your resident and your attending are in an argument about what is the most up to date treatment and they're citing conflicting randomized control trials. Do you...
A. This is a hierarchy issue, so just do what ever the attending says.
B. Use the attending's paper because it has a bigger sample size.
C. Use the resident's paper because it is newer.
D. Pick whichever paper was published in the better journal.
E. READ THE DAMN PAPERS YOURSELF, DO YOUR OWN RESEARCH, AND GET A META-ANALYZED REVIEW ON THE SUBJECT. *ehem.*
and the teacher will be like, "Ok...so class....who wants to pick A?.... I don't see any hands....no hands?"
....and It's all I can take because I'm already loopy from sitting in the same spot for the last four hours and I have to cut this crap.
"Tempting, but NO." what the fuck did I just say? why the fuck?
Yet the guy chuckles and goes back to the long drawn out massacre of this question. And before you know it I am actually begging him to just skip to answer E and he acts like he is shocked. "Look, it's the only answer that allows me to READ and make the decision for myself. I'm not going to make some random decision based on an arbitrary factor that has very little to do with the overall quality of the paper!"
And he's so bewildered, he actually mumbles around on a topic and sort of chastises me for NOT using the argument that I just made? I just have to repeat myself. Then yay, we're all on the same page, we can move onto the next slide.
I just have to kill it. Kill, kill that awkward silence. My classmates have told me that they love me for telling it like it is, and I haven't gotten any real flak from it. I mean, I'm never cruel or sniggering with these comments. But there's a fine line that changes with the sensitivity of the listener, and I am just waiting for it to get me into trouble.
And really, this isn't just that one class, although EBM is particularly bad for setting me off. We had some dinner thing and they got the dean to get up and talk. He's a good ol' boy with a happy, upstanding attitude, which is a bit conservative and politically correct to the point of being slightly stale. In other words, he makes an excellent Dean and face for the school. Wonderful person. But not very approachable for questions, because he reminds you of an interviewer. Too nice. You're not sure if you can trust him not to judge you if you're not being...professional. I'm not sure if he actually wants to be talked to that way. Because he's got this thing where he acts sort of like a Dad who is trying to be cool to his teenager kids, and the kids aren't buying it.
So at the end of his talk, he asks if anyone has any questions...and there is silence. And then he asks again. And then some other faculty member does the cheesy, incredulous butt kissing talk of "Really? No questions for the Dean? This is a once in a life time opportunity folks!" and it gets to the point where I think he's actually a little hurt that no one is saying anything. Sad Dad.
But not for long. Because the silence is killing me inside and I'm going loopy again. Like going hulk, except you say asinine things and tear through social graces instead of buildings and stuff.
"No questions for the Dean?"
Silence.
"No questions at all?"
Silence.
I'm gonna kill myself.
"No ques..."
Bam! I'm raising my hand. Hanging my phantom noose, yeesh.
"What's your favorite color?"
Burst of laughter from the entire room and my brain is immediately racked with the post-outburst insecurities. OH GOD. Why did I say that? No one cares, it's harmless. But what if they do?
Yep. Well that could have been a post in itself. These are the things I think about.
Thanks for indulging.
'Night.
-Kick Kick.
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